Monday, August 24, 2015

5 Pitfalls When Women Want To Wear The Pants In Their Heterosexual Relationships

by Abeni Bamidele

Must I start off with a disclaimer? I really don't want to. Yet I will say that this article does not promote female domination, so if you are a man reading this, and you get turned on by being dominated, remove yourself. That's right, keep it movin'...this one is not for you. Was that controlling enough? As for the ladies, if you are in a relationship, and your man enjoys being controlled, again, this probably won't be something you would have interest in.  All others, go for it.

It should also be noted that  I am not speaking from the perspective of being a relationship expert, nor a relationship coach, but I sure have spoken to masses of both men and women in and out of relationships and marriages over a period of years, coupled with my own experiences, which makes me know a few things about human dichotomy.

American Culture And Heterosexual Relationships 

Who would have thought that I would have to place emphasis in stating "heterosexual" relationships? But in the U.S., where the sky is the limit for relational preferences, sometimes one has to be specific. 

Can you identify the specific definitions of how a heterosexual partnership is supposed to work in the U.S. from a cultural perspective? I'm going to let you think about this one for a moment....... Stop it. There are none. Many have followed the lead of what they think the masses are doing on the basis of observing friends in relationships, others are influenced by watching their parents in relationships, or even define relationships on the basis of what the media portrays. Some couples operate from the perspective of religious affiliations or on the basis of how the government dictates law. Those that are fortunate enough to ascribe to their native practice outside of the U.S. may have some fundamentals they live by that aid in cultivating a union with clearly defined expectations which can aid in the longevity of union/marriage. Yet many, when born and raised in America, have never left the "country" to learn what practices may work, or even learned from others within the U.S. whose unions are long lasting may very well get themselves entangled in a relationship where one partner places too much emphasis in solely satisfying their own needs. 

This can very easily occur when there is a lack of harmony, order and balance within the life of the person who's ego feels the need to dominate.

Once again, in an effort to reduce my own chances of presenting a dissertation, (certainly not my intention) I will mention that based on my own observations, that women specifically can find themselves in a relationship that ultimately may not work when she selects to symbolically "wear the pants" in the relationship.

5 Pitfalls Of Female Domination In Relationships

What's wrong with the photo to the left? Maybe something, or maybe nothing at all. If you were to write a little excerpt describing what you see here, some may say that he is being a gentleman and carrying her bags for her as you feel a man should do. Others will say, she spent all of his money, and then is expecting him to carry the heavy load. Or how about she makes the money, and purchases everything for both within the relationship. Maybe she is "making her man..." Either way, she looks content, and he doesn't look very happy at all.

It's really up in the air. This photo could tell us many things. But the reality is, without clearly defined roles of each mate, through healthy communication, a woman may find herself deemed as controlling and overtaking the relationship with no consideration for her mate.

Can I place emphasis, that if you took a survey and asked a series of  women, do they feel they are controlling in their relationships, some will say "yes" and justify their reasons why they think they need to. While other women would might say "no" for failure to self-asses. They may be in denial, never acknowledging that their controlling ways are killing their relationships. Indeed each partner has imperfections, but when an ego-driven woman loses sight of her role and responsibilities in a relationship (as per definition/communication between both partners), the relationship break-down process can very well begin.

So I'm going to make it very plain and simple. Here are five pitfalls of  what can happen when women become self-serving in their relationships and fail to respect the clearly defined expectations communicated with her mate.

1. Men get angry. That seems simple enough, right? Even if they are not angered easily, the man can certainly develop thoughts and questions regarding their purpose in the relationship. And if his beliefs go unnoticed...uh-oh...trouble.

2. Men become passive aggressive. He may not wish to talk about anything at this point, but would rather make an effort to ensure your needs aren't met because his aren't being met.

3. Men submit. For some men who have had challenges in identifying what they really want in their relationship, for failure of really knowing themselves, he may think that being controlled is just the way it is supposed to be. But look out if he finds out otherwise!

4. Men cheat. OooH! Not the "C" word! Realistically speaking though, should a woman come along who respects him, feeds him, listens to him, massages his back and serves as his number one cheerleader, girlfriend, you and your controlling as%#! is in for some trouble...I'm just saying. 

5. Men leave. Now what needs explanation here? Why would anyone want to stick around being maltreated?

For any ladies reading this, you have the perfect opportunity right now to self-assess, and ensure that you not only know your value and worth before entering into a relationship, that you acknowledge and respect his value and worth when deciding to develop a relationship. On-going communication is the key to  identifying exactly what each person wants from their partner which will make the collective journey a lot more enjoyable and interesting to manage over time.

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